I read an interesting blog post the other day.  The author had read a post or comment (I can't recall which) where a woman had offered an explanation of why she chose to be a stay at home mom.  The author lamented the fact that the woman felt the need to justify or explain her decision.  In his view the reasons for choosing to raise children rather than work for money were obvious and needed no explanation. 

I agreed with his observations.  In our family my wife made the same choice and I fully supported her.  I was intrigued by the comments following the essay.  A bit of a squabble ensued regarding whether stay at home moms raised better children than those who worked for money.  Each side seemed to be demanding an explanation from the other.  Some peacemakers asserted that neither stay at home moms nor moms working outside the home need offer any explanation for their choice.

I was prompted to think about the circumstances under which someone feels the need to offer an explanation for his actions.  Explanations are required when someone feels his actions are out of the ordinary.  No one feels the need to explain why they are eating breakfast at 8:00 a.m. or why they are climbing into bed at 11:00 p.m.  The reasons for those actions may not in fact be what we all assume but the actions themselves are so common we don't feel any explanation is required.

In the past staying home with your children required no explanation; rather if married woman with children worked she felt the need to offer some reason for doing so.   My mother worked outside the home as long ago as I can remember (I was born in 1956) and I recall her offering explanations for that choice.

The tables have clearly turned now--women who stay at home with their kids feel the need to explain themselves because "society" has bought into the notion that women should work for money and that choosing not to do so is unusual.

Ideally, a woman's choice in this regard is her own and should not be challenged or questioned, but that is not how we are built as humans.  We are heard animals and seek to avoid being different.  If we feel we are different we also feel the need to justify; If we see difference we feel the need to understand why. 

The felt need to justify staying at home with children will exist as long as "society" considers mothers with young children working for money to be the norm.